EsChewing Snickers

I have been noting Snickers' latest ad campaign, which generally involves the word "chewing" in a not-t0-subtle manner. There's one particular advertisement within the campaign that makes ABSOLUTELY no sense to me. First, I saw the sign: "Get dunked on by Patrick Chewing." Although I am a basketball fan, I could not understand what Patrick Ewing had to do with Snickers. Did he eat Snickers before playing with the big leather pumpkin? Can he dunk because he eats Snickers? Would eating Snickers bring Patrick Ewing into my life? Why would I want a seven-foot sweaty giant dunking on me??? How did this relate to eating Snickers?

Then, I saw the commercial. I thought, "Finally, I'm going to get some answers! Now it will all make sense!" As I watched the commercial, fearing to blink that I may miss the one bit that would bring the campaign together, I realized the harsh reality: there IS no point. Basically, the advertisers are saying that if I eat a snickers, Patrick Ewing will dunk on me, which will undoubtedly throw me to the floor in an oozing puddle of his sweat. How does this make me want to eat Snickers?? Friends, all of you must run away in fear of all Snickers bars. If you must ingest them, try doing it in your closet. Stuff them in your mouth while in the bathroom stall. Better yet, gorge yourself on them in Saddam's old hiding place. Whatever you do, DO NOT eat them standing under a basketball hoop raised to standard height. Otherwise, you may end up eating sweaty nougat with a slight concussion. Be chewsy.