I recently caught an episodes of TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras" and I have to say that that it was more terrifying than any horror film ever made. In case you have never seen the show before, it's basically an inside look at beauty pageants for girls and boys about 6 years old and younger. The episode that I caught had one baby in the pageant who was two weeks old. No lie. Two weeks. I'm pretty sure that the baby should have been home working on basic things like breathing, eating, sleeping... but noooooooooo Mommy needed to show him off to an audience of strangers for hours. What was his talent, you ask? Well, he couldn't hold his head up, he didn't have any teeth, and he was probably gassy, so I'm guessing just sitting there looking at the audience and sending silent cries for help. The newborn baby, however, was not the saddest part of the show.
TODDLERS AND TIARAS AND THERAPY
What really broke my heart was a pair of six-year-old fraternal twins, we'll call them 'A' and 'B', who were competing against each other. One of the little lasses, A, was clearly the golden child of the family. She was juuuuuust slightly prettier (by pageant standards) than her sister, and she very obviously enjoyed being on stage and showing off her personality. The other little girl, B, was so painfully introverted that it was hard to watch her suffer in front of the judges. She clearly didn't have the heart for pageantry, but since her insane mother felt that "competitive beauty" was more important than her daughter's happiness, the poor girl just had to endure the shame of it all. Needless to say, A (who turned out to be a huge brat) won 2nd place and B received a consolation prize. I could hardly bear seeing the pain in B's eyes. The only thing that makes this story worse: there are three more daughters in the family who will all likely be shoved into pageantry. Why aren't these children out enjoying life like other six-year-olds? What happened to swim parties and sleepovers and museum visits and sports and reading and culture?
Little girls will have all of high school to deal with competition, cattiness, and superficial beauty. Why not teach them when they are young that there is more to life than this?
Also, on a side note, why do all of the mothers of the pageant children seem to have "let themselves go"? I know that they would say it is a result of pouring all of their time, money, and energy into their children, but I think that it would be so much better to set an example of health wisdom, and beauty for their kids than to hypocritically scrutinize and demean their children at every turn.
And do you know the grand prize at these competitions? A $1000 Savings Bond. That's all. That amount of money does not even cover the cost of the ridiculous little dresses the girls wear. Well, all I can say is that I hope that these girls will be able to use the money for college, or at least therapy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. If I had any wish in the world it would be to end these debasing pageants. Or for World Peace. Whichever.
MARRIED TO MR. ETHICAL
It's official.
The price of food, drinks, and candy at the movie theatre has surpassed the limit of reason.
Not that I usually buy much. A typical movie snack for me used to be a small Diet Coke with no ice and sometimes a treat like Sour Patch Kids (not those nasty Sour Jacks). Not anymore, though! Such a small pleasure would cost me almost $8 or more. And although I am not much of a movie theatre popcorn person, I know that there are many, many of you out there. Well, here's to hoping that you will all rise with me and decry the obscenity of such lofty prices! I mean, we just paid $7-12 to get in to see a (most likely) craptastic film, so why not soften the blow of a sappy, plotless romantic comedy with a little free Icee? Why not comfort my bleeding eyes, which came about from some superfluously flawed epic that crushed my inner-historian, with a cheap and cheesy nacho number? WHY NOT GIVE ME FREE FOOD OF WHATEVER APPEARS IN THE MOVIE SO THAT I HAVE THE BEST EXPERIENCE POSSIBLE?! Okay, so this is just on my mind because I would like it while watching Julie & Julia. Cheese souffle, anyone?
I know what some of you rascals are thinking. You are secretly sending me messages to sneak in my own snacks and screw the whole system. I mean, tons of people do that, right? Well, if you really think that this is a possibility for me, then you have not met my husband. He's what some might call "SUPER-ETHICAL." The other day we were at a Greek deli and next to the soda machine there was a little bucket with a sign requesting $0.25 for all refills. Now, I had just overpaid for the drink with my lunch, and refills are usually free on such premises. I thought that the soda sign was completely ridiculous, but my husband would not let me get the refill sans payment. So, you can already see that Baker would certainly never let me hide a little treat in my purse for movie-going occasions. Ergo, there can be only one conclusion for me. I am not going to be buying movie theatre refreshments anymore.
It's a small price to pay for such ridiculous prices.
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Everyone always wants to know how I got about spelling my name B-E-K-I (though I go by Beeki on the blogs). This question actually strikes me as odd since I didn't, contrary to popular belief, name myself. I suppose that some people do change the spellings of their names once they are 18, but if I had done that I would have dramatically altered my name to "Cleopatra" or something sassy like that. Anyway, to understand my name, one must know my legal first name: Rebekah. This is the King James spelling of my name, which is more special knowing that my brothers and I each have one Old Testament and one New Testament name:
Paul David
Mark Daniel
Rebekah Christine
I actually love my first name when it is spelled out. What makes it even cooler is that my last name (Baker) uses only letters found in my first name. Snazzy.
I have not always loved my nickname, though, which I have been called from birth. My parents got the idea to call me "Beki" as they had an artist friend who spelled her name that way and they liked it. They also liked spelling the name with four letters to match everyone else in the family, all of whom have four-letter names. I didn't mind everyone calling me Beki growing up, but that all changed in high school. You see, my freshman year I played on the basketball team, and it was tradition for the principal to share game stats over the loudspeaker during announcements. One day, the principal announced my number of steals from the previous night's game, but instead of calling me Beki, he said, "Beeki" (bee-key). This would not have been such a big deal at a small high school. Unfortunately, I went to a school of 3, 000. EVERYONE in the school all day called me "Beeki" and laughed at me. I was mortified, mainly because I was in high school and everything was such a big deal at the time. I came home with tears in my eyes, asking my mom, "Why did you name me Beeki??!"
Years later, Beeki has become a favored nickname for me (also Beeki Bear and Oh, Beeeeeeeki). I have come around to loving the name and feeling special when people call me by any of my nicknames. What matters most is the way in which the name is said: with love. After all, what's in a name? Apparently just letters and sounds.
GO FUG YOURSELF
http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/
It's snarky.
It's funny.
It's too bad we aren't as rich as these people.